Look Out San Francisco, Here We Come
by Dobby Tonks and Angelina
Summary: A Hogwarts school trip to San Fransisco, curtesy of the new defense against the dark arts teacher, ends up a total disaster. High randomness level.
1. A Decision Is Made

DISCLAIMER: This may come as a bit of a shock to you, you might want to sit down...here it comes...WE...DON'T...OWN...THE...BOOK...OFFICIALLY...KNOWN...AS...HARRY...PO TTER!!! (cue dramatic music) DUN-DUN-DUN!!!!!!  


A/N: Note: This was pre-OotP

  
CHAPTER ONE: A Decision Is Made

It was mid-way through Ron, Hermione, and Harry's fifth year. They were finishing what was by far the most interesting class, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Not so much because they learned a lot as because their teacher, professor Flabergasted, was "off the deep end", "lost his marbles", "off his rocker", "one clown short of a circus", or just plain crazy. Even Hermione had a hard time coping with his "diverse" teaching methods. 

"So remember class, when going into a forrest infested with giant, possed, evil squirrels, always carry a toothpick. Class desmissed!" Harry, Ron, and Hermione joined the line of students filing out of the classroom. They hurried up to the Gryffindor tower, wanting to get a head start on the tons of homework Professor Snape had assigned. Professor Flabergasted joined his colleagues in the staff room. They were deep in discussion of an idea he had propsed early that morning. Dressed in a Hawaiin shirt, khaki shorts, sandals, sunglasses, and a San Francisco Giants baseball cap, he paraded into the room. He took off his glasses and beamed at the surrounding teachers, all dressed in plain black robes. 

"When's my flight out of this joint?" he boomed to his rather unimpressed audience. They were used to his antics this far into the school year. 

"Really Zericdefist," Severus Snape, the potions teacher, began in a condesending tone, "You should know that shipping an entire school full of wizzards in Scotland to San Fransisco, a city full of muggles, is a complicated process and the decision must not be taken lightly. Even though it is obvious that Dumbledore will overule this ridiculous propisition." 

A high squeaky voice came to Flabergasted's defense. Professor Flitwick drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, and said, "Let's not be hasty, Severus, it would be an excellent opportunity for the students to experience international magic." "Yeah! What he said!" Flabergasted agreed, and gave Flitwick a friendly whack on the back. Unfortunately, Flitwick had been standing on a desk so as to be eye to eye with the surrounding personage, so this whack sent him flying across the room and colliding with the opposite wall. He slid to the ground slightly dazed. Professor McGonnagal had remained quiet, sitting in an armchair by the fire bolt upright, her mouth pursed into a thin line. Finally the staff room door opened, and Profesor Dumbledoore swept into the room wearing a violet cloak adorned with golden stars. 

"I have made my decision in regards to the trip to San Fransisco," he announced. From within the fold of his cloak he drew out a large, shiney silver sickle. "Heads, we go; tails, we don't." His employees stared at him, dumbfounded. He tossed the coin up in the air. The coin seemed to slow down in mid-air, steadily rotating. You could have cut the tension in the room with a knife. They barely dared to breathe. Finally, still spinning, it fell slowly down. Dumbledore caught it, and held up the result for all to see. Slowly, in a dramatic whisper, he called it out, mainly for the advantage of Flitwick who was still nursing injuries "HEADS!" 


	2. The Big Announcement

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A/N: Well, after a year (We see each other annually as two of us live on different continents than the other) we're back for more madness! Did you miss us? Of course you did! How could you not? Did you notice our brand new look (Screen name, bio, E-mail, etc.)? Of course you did! Do you want us to stop jabbering and get on with the story? Of course you don't! But we will anyway!

Disclaimer: 

NT: It's all mine! MOOWAHAHAHA!! MINE MINE MINE! *Does funny banana dance* *Gets weird looks from co-writers who don't have control of the keyboard and edit the story since NT (Nymphadora Tonks) has appalling grammar* Fine… I admit… It's not mine… *sniff* It's all Rowling's…I don't own any of it *Bursts into hysterics* Not even the plot! *Gets more weird looks and stops crying* Oh, wait; we own the plot, don't we?

AJ (Angelina Johnson) and Dobby: DUH!

NT: Oh, and this is pre-OotP. Enjoy! And BE AFRAID… BE VERY AFRAID!!

Chapter Two: The Big Announcement

Dumbledore stood on top of the teacher's table, presiding over the surrounding students. From the back pocket of his robe, he drew out two large cymbals painted lime green with little purple bunnies all over for decoration. He subsequently crashed them together, bringing silence to the crowd of students, as well as curiosity in regards to whether or not their Headmaster was in fact drunk_. _Little did they know that the worst was yet to come. 

"Attention students!" he cried unnecessarily. "Professor Flabbergasted has suggested a simply marvellous opportunity for all of the…" Here he paused. He then glanced around at the faces of his staff, the vast majority of whose eyes were slightly glazed over from the shock of their employer's temporary insanity. "Err… fourth years and up! We are taking them all on a trip to San Francisco, Montana!" Professor Flitwick leaned over and tapped Dumbledore's ankle. Dumbledore bent down and Flitwick whispered something in his ear, and sat back so Dumbledore could straighten up again. "Pardon me, I meant to say, San Francisco, Florida!"

Once again, Flitwick repeated his previous manoeuvre, and once again Dumbledore made another brave attempt. "San Francisco, Idaho!"

"Oh, honestly," Snapped McGonnagal impatiently, "It's in California, the USA!" 

"Yes, thank you Minerva, what she said. Anyway, we depart tomorrow morning at seven am; so after dinner you may all want to pack! Oh, and as we want this to be a thoroughly muggle experience, we will be going by aeroplane! Thank you, that is all." Dumbledore sat back down, still on the table, crossed his legs and arms, and began to meditate, floating a few inches off the top of the table. 

For a moment, everyone was silent. Then a rush of noise broke out, with conversations ranging from, "Like, oh my gosh, what will I wear? Are Americans cute?" to, "Good lord, I have to transfer out of this school before it's too late, it's turning into a regular loony bin."

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! \

Angelina: Okay, you reviewed your own story, you're crazy! But hey, we already knew that…

Pajaro Negro: Ooh! Angelina lives near San Francisco! Thanks for your suggestions, we're sure Fred and George will have fun in that particular area. And just for you, we fixed the formatting!

Talligo: Hey Chris, thanks for reviewing! Review it again please! And again! And again! And again! Sorry, on caffeine and sugar.

Magicrulz718: Bet you didn't know one of us is Katie, Kaeldra, Hermione, Padfoot, whatever you want to call me! And one is her little sister! And one is some random girl she found wandering the streets of Palo Alto, California! And what do you know, we're doing our annual update! Aren't you proud? Of course you are! (See author note at the beginning).


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